There’s a fly in this insane troll logic ointment

Do you see what I did there? I worked a Buffy quote into an Angel quote! Aren’t I pithy and funny and brilliant? Well, humor me anyway, will ya? (That’s “Triangle”/”Conversations with Dead People” and “I Will Remember You,” for reference. Don’t say I don’t source my plagerism.)

To continue on the Christmas shopping ranting, I’ve got some very exciting news! I have completed several gifts. Several. I’m large with the homemade gifts, by the by. Money is part of it, frankly, but also because I just enjoy it so much. I feel like I’ve said this before, but my den is Christmas Craft Central. It’s a madhouse squeezed into one tiny room. And I’ve got company coming this weekend, so it’s got to get control of itself.

I hope the lovely and talented anodyna doesn’t mind me sharing this, but she sent me an email today that had me laughing so hard that I only just now finished it. When she’s famous and has achieved total world domination, keep in mind that you read about her here first. I want to say “I knew her when ….”

Dyna: All right, everyone, take your seats! This meeting of the No Longer Delusional, Only Slightly Misguided B/S ‘Shippers/Spike Shaggin’ Redemptionistas Club will now come to order. Mr. Secretary, please call the roll.
Imaginary!James: Before we start, I have an emergency order of business. It seems that one of our members, a Miss Smash, recently violated Article 7 of our charter by having a sex dream about David Boreanaz. I move that her membership be revoked immediately.
Morphy!Spike: Not so fast there, pretty boy. First things first: Who’s the bint who parked their car in my space? Fess up now, and maybe I won’t hurt you, eh?
Dyna: Excuse me, do you mind? I’m trying to run a meeting here. Mr. Secretary–
Morphy!Spike: Yeah, whatever, Dru.
Dyna: Hey!
Imaginary!James: It’s okay, sweetheart. He’s not the real Spike anyway.
Morphy!Spike: Yeah? What was your first clue? No wait, I know–my accent! “Cor! Cor blimey! Blimey cor!” [No, it was your incessant use of the words “guhl” and “wuhld.” –smash]*
Dyna: All right, forget the roll. Let’s just get down to business, shall we? Okay, item one: Lately we’ve been hearing some complaints from our correspondent in Dallas that we, quote, “don’t respond to her emails,” unquote. I’d like our Correspondence Secretary to address this issue. Diana?
Diana: Um, I’ve been busy?
Morphy!Spike: I’ll say she has. Does the phrase “Double-Spiked” mean anything to anybody else here?
Dyna: Okaaaay, that about wraps it up for tonight. If anybody wants to see me later, I’ll be in the bar getting really drunk and writing bad fanfic. [Save me a barstool. –smash] (*Bangs gavel*) This meeting is adjourned!

* Confidential to James Marsters: Would you like me to dog-ear the Yellow Pages for you? Under “diction instruction”? Now that Tony Head’s gone back to England you think the English pronunciation of “girl” and “world” have changed drastically since season two?! I watched “School Hard” yesterday. You used to could say it right. I heard it myself. Now make it right, and I won’t have to crack your tiny body like a twig during sex.

I just tried to get into my own archives, and I can’t. Well, I can, but they’re all fucked up. Huh. I guess I should fix that, eh? But first, I’ve got to actually do some work today! Worky woo work! Also, for the record, I Googled “buffy double spiked,” and the first one on the list was the right fanfic! Ha!

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