Bizarre Outpouring of Emotion

The following account is strange, even to me, and somewhat Buffy-related.

I’m working away here, being productive and doing time-consuming but slightly mindless work, which means I can plan and plot all the crafty things I’m doing for the holidays with my spare brain cells. I’ve got my station jamming when Sarah McLauchlan’s Full of Grace comes on.

Dude, how could they do that to me at this time of year? My first holiday season without Buffy? I had this odd sensation of pain and loss. Partially because of all the seasons and all the great songs on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, season two and Full of Grace are my favorite. (Yes, I agree that Sarah McLauchlan songs are probably vastly overused by Hollywood in general and are so sappy that they lose efficicacy. But she just killed her first love with over-zealous encouragement from her best friends, probably feels like she disappointed her father figure, disobeyed her mother, and in general is lacking the one thing Sarah McLaughlan and her Vulvapalooza buddies are crooning about: grace. Oh, the irony!)

Yesterday I bought two Christmas CDs. I actually like Christmas music, but then again this holiday has particular significance to me because of my personal beliefs. Two quote Willow, “Not everybody worships Santa!” I’m partial to the Jesusy bits of this time of year. So, I bought Amy Grant’s Christmas CD, which I probably had on tape a zillion years ago. I was listening to it in the car on my way back from my lunch break. I started tearing up (Again with the waterworks!) when Breath of Heaven came on.

I’m about to ground myself from everything except talk radio until I can get my emotions under control. It seems so bizarre to me — I’m not experiencing any hormonal surges, I’m chock-full of Lexapro, I’ve taken my vitamins … I’ve got no explanation for it. Please don’t say it’s because I’m some kind of freak. I am a freak. And emotional and demonstrative. That’s not news to anyone, and if it is news to you what the fuck are you doing reading my personal blog? Creep.


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