Well, I’ve done it again. I have this crazy habit of getting involved with people who are not emotionally available. Despite so many friends and family members objecting and warning, I willingly was sucked in.This is not an easy or comfortable topic to write about.
Each time I’ve started down this path of engaging with emotionally unavailable people, I’m convinced that it’s OK to get involved, because this time it’s someone REALLY special or some other important nonsense.
This time, I voiced every objection. I fought my habit kicking and screaming. But, in the end, I allowed myself to be vulnerable to someone who was never available to me. Why? History, connection, and probably lonliness. I’m vulnerable to wanting “a person” because at the end of the day, I’m lonely. I’m considering all my options … puppies, volunteering, online dating, buying a Wii … who knows? But right now I can’t help but feel like I’ve spent time and energy emotionally patching someone up for the sake of someone else. Or something.
I’m very happy to spend every Christmas Eve cooking with my sister or our family. But I always expected to have my own family to cook for by now.