“We want nothing from you that you do without grace.”
Madeleine L’Engle, A Wrinkle in Time
Everything I’ve read by L’Engle impacts me. It always has — even as a kid, A Wrinkle in Time felt monumental.
But when I re-read it again as an adult, I realized that even though my “reading comprehension level” was above average as a kid, I didn’t fully get the emotional nuances and valuable lessons in so many of the more mature books I read.
It’s a whiny little … thing, right? Just because I could understand words and basic plot doesn’t mean I was emotionally ready to digest the real meaning of some of the significant books of my childhood. It’s crazy fun, though, to re-read important books that I read as a young person and realize a significant lesson.
I watched the movie A Wrinkle in Time last weekend. (Not as good as the book, in my humble opinion, but a good movie.) The concept of wanting-nothing-done-without-grace resonated because it has been important to me long before I could articulate it. It’s been one of those ideas floating around in the back of my mind for decades. Meanwhile, I’ve learned what it’s like to do with — and without — grace. I’ve struggled with anxiety, depression, loss, betrayal, financial devastation, deceit, chronic pain, a mother with cancer, and two grandmothers with Alzheimer’s — these experiences don’t exactly average out. Some things stick with you more than others. I feel like I know what it means to do things from a place of grace. Likewise, I totally know that I don’t always.
I worry that my blog seems too churchy or goody-goody lately. I’m concerned that I’ve lost the rawness it had when it was on Live Journal. Now that my blog is so publicly accessible, I really edit my public posts. Why do I even want to say that? My motives are sincere — with grace, if you will — but my execution of life is seriously flawed. So if I seem too rosy, rest assured that I’m not. Lately, I write to reinforce my grateful attitude for my life.