A Smashing Blog to Read

Because the call me Smashley

Anxiety paradox — May 22, 2013

Anxiety paradox

Have you ever tried to call someone who you wanted to talk to and the number didn’t work? It’s pretty sad. Likewise, have you ever had a number for a person you really wanted to call but were too chicken to? Also pretty sad. Tonight, in a fit of bravery, I called both numbers.

One number was a bust, but the other resulted in an amazing experience. I have a friend who I have known since we were very little who is a truly gifted person. She is brilliant at thousands of things, many of which relate to humanity. She had a keen eye at a young age, and her observations have influenced me ever since.

The other important thing about this person is that when I was in a crisis, she was very generous with me. We met, she listened, she related, we talked about stuff to get my mind off my crisis, she completely supported me. She set me on a path of self-realization without even realizing it! (But that’s second borns do. We get work done with no expectation of acknowledgement.) I am so blessed to ┬áhave reached out to her in a day of need. Today’s call was inspired. I take no credit for it, but I relish in the blessings from it!

If you can relate to either sad experience, I give you a desktop from Reddit.

I’ve got a playlist coming, and a massive update about my therapy. Let’s not be sad; let’s be thankful for our blessings.

Wrong-headed — July 9, 2012


I’m having a really off couple of days. But one quick phone call from a dear friend and suddenly my bizarre headspace feels lifted.

With that, I wish I could describe where I’ve been today and yesterday. I’m anxious about a work thing, but there must be more to put me in such a funk. When I initially woke up early Sunday morning, I felt like I was free-falling. I managed to fall asleep again and get some more rest yesterday, but woke up to a great opportunity to upset and disappoint a friend. Yay.

Honestly, I’m so beat down I feel like a person Adele would write a song about.

You want to break your pattern? You’ve got to break your pain.

Broke Girls

Truly, I don’t understand why i’ve been wrong-headed for a couple of days. Maybe because I haven’t talked to my mom in a couple of weeks.

How do I explain what I don’t understand?! I feel like I’ve been in a free fall for two days. OK, maybe three.

Happy Birthday, Rusty! — June 18, 2008
Protected: My psychic reading — April 20, 2008
Protected: Eva is Evil — February 16, 2008
Protected: Ch-ch-ch-changes — February 2, 2008
Random Ugh — October 6, 2007

Random Ugh

I just learned that a former friend and coworker passed away this week. She was on life support until early this morning, when her parents decided to honor her wishes as an organ donor and cease life support. I wasn’t, like, super best friends with her, but we were very good friends while we worked together, and kept in touch since she left. She was crazy, so I distanced myself from her, but I still feel so much sorrow for her parents.

According to the news I have now, she was above the legal limit of alcohol consumption and far from home, which sucks. I wish her parents peace and comfort as much as they can have after losing a child.

Protected: I like happy things. — May 2, 2007
Protected: Bad news first — March 5, 2007
Oh-Six Recap, Plus Hopes-Dreams: Oh-Seven! — January 6, 2007

Oh-Six Recap, Plus Hopes-Dreams: Oh-Seven!

Although I have not celebrated Christmas yet, I plan to do so as soon as my family can pull itself together. I made plans to go out of town this weekend to a big party, but it looks like Sunday is family Christmas. Yay, and crap. Must wrap presents, cancel hotel reservations, and disappoint friends. And buy Dad’s present. And wrap it. This year was tougher for me personally than it should have been, but I’ve learned some valuable and amazing lessons. I’ll be brief (for the sake of your friends pages) but not too brief (for the sake of my future self).

Lesson 1: When someone tells you something about themselves, believe them. For example, that guy she’s dating who says he doesn’t believe in marriage? Will never marry her. That coworker who tells you she’s crazy? Is crazy. My ex who said, “Im crappy?” Was crappy! Listen to what people tell you about themselves.

Lesson 2: I am not a victim. I took on the role of victim for years, but I am not some pathetic, helpless loser. I am fierce!

Lesson 3: Asking for help is OK. People care. I will be focusing on being more social, dating some fabulous people who will see my fabulousness, selling my house, and earning more money. I got a roommate. It happened suddenly, but I’m glad to have someone as nurturing and considerate as my roommate here. He’s going through a tough time personally, and I’m very happy to be able to support him. We’re even talking about renting someplace together after I sell my house! He travels a lot, and I work lots of nights, so we don’t see each other but a few minutes here and there. And, we make each other get out and socialize! The rent money helps, too. A lot. He has zillions of frequent flyer miles, and I get sweet discounts on hotel rooms, so we’re planning on taking the world by storm next year! We’re looking at trips to Florida to visit a mutual friend and Australia.